Peter:
We are Sarah’s parents. We are Mark’s in-laws. I am the father of daughters, but being a male I know how the male mind works. As a consequence, as our girls were growing up my natural tendencies were suspicion, aggressive protection and being somewhat difficult to deal with when boys came around. As the girls moved through their teen years, however, Gail and I began to pray regularly for their future husbands. We prayed just two things: first, that the right man would love God with all his heart, and second, that he would love our daughter in the way she needed to be loved. Sarah and Mark’s early courtship had both passion and tumult. Sarah was living in South America and we were never quite sure where Mark was. I said to Gail, “The guy who gets Sarah is going to have to pursue her. It won’t necessarily be easy.” Mark on his own figured this out, and he did it superbly. As they moved into marriage, we saw how wonderfully suited they were for each other. And yet, true love does not precede marriage, it grows within marriage.

Gail:
In an email that I sent to our friends around the world I wrote, “Sarah and Mark were married in 1999. Their marriage was one of joy, adventure, giving and serving in their church and around the world, and of love for family.” In marriage a husband and a wife should bring out the best in each other, not competing, not trying to change one another, but complimenting and edifying one another. Mark and Sarah exemplified this. Three words came to me as I thought of their relationship, and especially of Mark’s for you Sarah – adoration, affection and passion. In Proverbs 31 it says, “…her husband praises her.” And Mark regularly said, “Isn’t she beautiful; isn’t she the greatest?” He loved you as himself and he served you in every way that you needed. He adored you. Before they were married when Mark was being very affectionate and was excited to have Sarah as his wife, I would say, “Mark, don’t let this physical affection disappear after you’re married,” so occasionally after they were married, Mark would just throw Sarah back and kiss her and he’d say, “Gail, note this.” He had no difficulty being affectionate with Sarah and with all of us. And then passion – Mark was a passionate man in what he believed, in how he served and in how he loved his wife. Sarah has been loved as few women are by a godly, passionate, strong man.

Peter:
We men aren’t just to love our wives, we are to nourish and cherish them. It’s love that has power, depth, it’s got meat on the bones, it works in the realities of life, and Mark came to know this and to do it. A few years ago Mark and one of the other guys and I were talking, and we were talking about the challenging issue of how to really do love with your wife in the day to day of life. Mark said, it’s easy, I just asked Sarah what household job she least likes to do. She said, “Cleaning the bathrooms,” so I said, “From now on, I’ll clean the bathrooms.” Well, we were pretty impressed by that, and a little bit cowed, so we said, “What if she doesn’t like your work, the quality control part of this?” That’s where we always get in trouble as guys. He said, “Easy still. I just ask her to inspect it afterward when I’m done. If it doesn’t pass, I do it again.” And that captured Mark. Servant lover of his wife, committed without reservation and at the same time a model to me and to his brothers-in-law. Mark was a perfect answer to our prayers along with our other three sons-in-law. We guys have seen ourselves as a team together, and so I’ve lost a son-in-law and also a teammate in the strengthening and deepening of the life of our family. But in the midst of the overwhelming intensity of grieving, I feel Mark in his great way has said to me, “It’s okay Peter, you’ll do fine, and in the span of eternity the time until we’re together again will be really short.” Mark could not have lived better; he could not have loved better, both God and Sarah. I’m experiencing grieving at an intensity I’ve never experienced before, and yet I understand all of Mark and Sarah’s choices in life. C.S. Lewis in grieving over the death of his beloved wife Joy to cancer said it better than I ever could, “Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore, only the life I have lived. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal.”